The Bowring Chronicles- Episode Three: Where Legends Are Born
""Welcome back to The Bowring Chronicles, where the trees are innocent, the squirrels are judgemental, and every Wednesday proves that the best stories begin with..."
"...Watch this."
Welcome back, everyone.
Pull up a camping chair.
Grab a brew.
Let's discuss what Bowring has been up to this week.
Or perhaps more accurately...
...what Bowring has done to us.
BREAKING NEWS
Researchers at the prestigious University of Bowring have released the findings of a ten-year study.
After analysing thousands of throws, they have concluded that the phrase...
"I've finally figured this game out."
...is immediately followed by contact with the first available tree 98.7% of the time.
Peer reviewed?
Absolutely not.
Accurate?
Painfully.
Ruaraidh has apparently been trying to tell us this for months.
Nobody listened.
"Cheers, Dad."
TREE OF THE WEEK
Congratulations (we suppose) to...
The Sycamore on Hole 4.
Standing proudly.
Doing absolutely nothing.
Yet somehow managing to stop more discs than anyone else on the course.
When approached for comment, the tree replied...
"I was here first."
Fair enough.
David has confirmed that, unlike his Red Valkyrie, the tree does not appear capable of travelling approximately three hundred yards.
Yet.
WILDLIFE WATCH
Barry the Squirrel was back.
Sat halfway up a tree.
Arms folded.
Watching everyone's tee shots with the expression of someone who's seen this all before.
At one point Barry appeared to nod approvingly after a perfectly executed drive.
Seconds later the next player hit a branch.
Barry looked away.
Some things are too painful to watch.
Billie-Jo attempted to investigate Barry's whereabouts.
Barry was having none of it.
He knows better.
LOST DISC SUPPORT GROUP
This week's meeting was well attended.
Members introduced themselves...
"Hello, I'm Dave..."
"Hello Dave..."
"...and it's been three days since I last lost a disc."
Applause.
Tea was served.
Biscuits were eaten.
Laura made sure everyone had what they needed.
Kev filmed the emotional reunion.
Jo T already knew someone whose cousin had apparently lost the same disc in 2019.
We're still checking the facts.
One member became emotional after being reunited with a bright orange driver they'd written off three weeks earlier.
We're pleased to report they're doing well.
OVERHEARD AT BOWRING
"Tree."
"Come over… turn!! TURN!!!!"
"That's in play"
(It was not.)
"Anyone got eyes on it?"
"I genuinely don't know how that's happened."
"I'll just throw a provisional..."
"I've seen that disc before."
Jo T.
Nobody knows how.
Nobody asks anymore.
And our personal favourite...
"It looked better in my head."
Didn't it always?
EXCUSE OF THE WEEK
This week's winner goes to...
"The wind changed halfway through my throw."
A bold claim.
Meteorologists have asked for evidence.
Ruaraidh has offered to explain wind patterns.
Harley has offered to explain them scientifically.
Billy has suggested the tree moved.
The investigation continues.
SCIENTIFIC RESEARCH
Scientists have now confirmed something we've suspected for months.
The longer it takes to find your disc...
...the better your previous throw becomes.
After approximately eight minutes of searching, players remember it as...
"Absolutely laced that."
After twelve minutes...
"Honestly, that was one of my best throws."
After twenty minutes...
"It was basically parked."
Historical evidence rarely supports this.
THE FIRST AVAILABLE TREE APPRECIATION SOCIETY
Membership update.
We're delighted to announce...
everyone has qualified.
Some of us multiple times.
Membership benefits include:
Immediate access to the support group.
Lifetime recognition of your worst tree kick.
The opportunity to blame the wind.
A complimentary "I meant to do that" badge.
Applications remain permanently open.
KEV'S CAMERA CORNER
Kev has once again been spotted filming something that nobody else noticed was happening.
He's getting very good at this.
Between Bowring and his social media work for the Mersey Masters, Kev seems to have developed an uncanny ability to turn ordinary moments into something people actually want to watch.
And him and Laura?
Still somehow acquiring free stuff for player packs.
We don't understand it.
We've stopped asking questions.
At this stage, we're simply hoping they'll accidentally acquire a pallet of discs.
PROFESSOR HARLEY EXPLAINS
Harley was, as usual, learning something.
Then explaining it.
Then learning something else.
Then explaining that too.
He's basically a walking Wikipedia page with excellent taste in Heinz Beans.
Someone asked a simple question about disc flight.
Twenty minutes later, we were discussing aerodynamics.
Nobody complained.
Because Harley's like that.
He's curious about everything.
And if you don't know something...
Give him five minutes.
He probably will.
DAD'S CORNER
Ruaraidh watched a few throws unfold before calmly offering some advice.
"Don't try to throw harder. Throw smoother."
Billy nodded.
"Cheers, Dad."
Harley wandered past.
"He's right, Grandad."
Ruaraidh looked at the pair of them.
There was a moment of quiet reflection.
Then he smiled.
He's accepted his fate.
THE BOWRING INTELLIGENCE AGENCY
Jo T was seen talking to a newcomer.
Within approximately four minutes, she had established that they...
lived somewhere nearby,
knew someone she knew,
had probably been to a place she recognised,
and might possibly be related to someone from her neighbourhood.
The newcomer had arrived as a stranger.
They left with what appeared to be a family history.
Jo T remains at large.
BILLIE-JO'S ADVENTURE OF THE WEEK
Another disc disappeared into the rough.
Everyone looked at it.
Billie-Jo looked at everyone.
"I'll go."
And off she went.
Into the undergrowth.
Fearless.
Five minutes later she emerged carrying the disc...
...a stick...
...and an entirely unrelated leaf.
Nobody knows what happened.
Billie-Jo wasn't prepared to discuss it.
She simply smiled and carried on playing.
Legend.
BOWRING SEARCH & RESCUE
This week's rescue operation lasted eleven minutes.
Items recovered included:
One slightly muddy driver.
Two golf balls.
A tennis ball.
Half a frisbee.
Somebody's dignity.
Excellent work, team.
David located the disc.
Laura checked everyone was okay.
Billie-Jo emerged from the rough.
Kev got footage.
Jo T identified the previous owner of the tennis ball.
Harley explained the aerodynamic properties of the frisbee.
Ruaraidh said something sensible.
Billy went the bar.
Perfectly coordinated.
THE RED VALKYRIE
And then...
David picked up the Red Valkyrie.
The conversation stopped.
Nobody said anything.
There is a certain etiquette surrounding this moment.
David takes his stance.
The disc leaves his hand.
And then...
It goes.
And goes.
And goes.
Someone watches it disappear into the distance and quietly says...
"That's ridiculous."
Someone else starts walking.
Because we've learned.
You don't wait for David's Red Valkyrie.
You go to where it landed.
BREAKING NEWS
At approximately the end of the round...
Billy...
went the bar.
There are no further developments at this time.
The bar was prepared.
The group was prepared.
The universe was prepared.
Some things simply happen.
WHY WE KEEP COMING BACK
Here's the thing.
People think disc golf is about throwing discs.
They're wrong.
It's about finishing work and forgetting about emails.
It's about walking through one of Liverpool's most beautiful parks with people who'll cheer your best shot louder than their own.
It's about lending a beginner a disc and watching them throw that one magical shot that hooks them forever.
It's about laughing until your face hurts because your mate has somehow hit the only tree within fifty feet.
It's about the conversations between the baskets.
The sunsets.
The fresh air.
The "one more round?" that somehow turns into another hour.
It's Laura welcoming someone who was nervous about coming along.
It's Kev capturing a moment nobody knew would matter.
It's Billy making everyone laugh.
It's Ruaraidh quietly keeping everyone grounded.
It's Billie-Jo disappearing into the rough because somebody needs their disc.
It's Jo T somehow knowing everyone.
It's Harley teaching us something we didn't know we needed to know.
It's David putting the baskets out before anyone arrives.
It's Jo K quietly making sure all the boring-but-important stuff actually happens.
It's the little things.
The people.
The laughs.
The feeling that for a couple of hours...
you're exactly where you're supposed to be.
Somewhere between the first tee and the last basket...
Wednesday stopped being another day of the week.
It became our day.
BOWRING WISDOM #3
"Wednesday is cheaper than therapy."
We're not saying disc golf solves everything.
But we've yet to finish a round wishing we'd stayed at home watching the washing machine.
NEXT WEDNESDAY...
Barry will be watching.
The trees will deny everything.
David's Red Valkyrie will probably disappear over the horizon.
Laura will welcome someone new.
Kev will be filming.
Billy will say something that probably shouldn't be repeated.
Ruaraidh will offer wisdom.
Harley will know something we don't.
Billie-Jo will bravely enter somewhere the rest of us won't.
Jo T will recognise somebody.
Jo K will quietly keep everything ticking along.
And, eventually...
Billy will go the bar.
We'll clap.
We'll laugh.
We'll help each other look for lost discs.
And another chapter will quietly write itself.
Until then...
Throw straight.
Laugh often.
Look after each other.
And remember...
Bowring is always watching.
— Filed by the Completely Unqualified Correspondents of The Bowring Chronicles
Keeping Liverpool's most important disc golf news in print, one tree kick at a time.
